Before you read let me give you some background. I have been struggling with self-hate for 10 or 11 months and I finally had enough of it about a week ago. So a couple of nights ago I was praying before I went to bed and just thanking God. When this monologue for my drama audition started forming in my head and I believe it is God breathed. I pray that reading it helps you.
*So a lot of people ask where did these scars come from. Okay so not a lot of people ask that, actually no ones asked that and the one person who has seen them didn’t ask cause she knew where they come from.
But if you did ask I would tell you that their battle scars. That they are proof that God’s not done with me yet. That no matter how hard life gets or how much you hate yourself God’s grace is still there.
And when you get to the point where you’re just done, you can take a deep breath and just say God I’m done with this and I want to live my life glorify You and leading others to You. And I can’t do that hating myself.
And then you can just accept God’s grace. And live your life glorify Him the best you can, with His help of course.*
I know that this isn’t how it happens for everyone, but it’s how it happened me. I could have just stayed in the cycle of self-hate but I knew I could ever lead others to Christ if I didn’t accept his grace for myself.
I told my closest and most trusted friend what I did and why. After that I’ve been trying to focus on leading others to Christ and not hating myself for what I did.
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1:5-8 NASB
This verse reminds me that it’s okay to ask God for help or wisdom, He knows that we can’t do it on our own. But God also looks at the reason for us asking, is it for His Glory or our glory?
Thanks for reading, if you have any questions or comments please feel free to email me or comment down below, AnaRose
In the Bible we see God do stuff that foretells what is going to happen, one of those cases is in Exodus 17
Behold, I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb; and you shall strike the rock, and water will come out of it, that the people may drink.” And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel. Exodus 17:6 NASB
The rock represents Jesus getting struck once for ALL of us and our sin, the water represents Jesus’ blood poured out for ALL of us and washing away ALL of our sin.
Thanks for reading if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me or comment down below,