Accepting God’s grace though self-hate

Before you read let me give you some background. I have been struggling with self-hate for 10 or 11 months and I finally had enough of it about a week ago. So a couple of nights ago I was praying before I went to bed and just thanking God. When this monologue for my drama audition started forming in my head and I believe it is God breathed. I pray that reading it helps you.

*So a lot of people ask where did these scars come from. Okay so not a lot of people ask that, actually no ones asked that and the one person who has seen them didn’t ask cause she knew where they come from.

But if you did ask I would tell you that their battle scars. That they are proof that God’s not done with me yet. That no matter how hard life gets or how much you hate yourself God’s grace is still there.

And when you get to the point where you’re just done, you can take a deep breath and just say God I’m done with this and I want to live my life glorify You and leading others to You. And I can’t do that hating myself.

And then you can just accept God’s grace. And live your life glorify Him the best you can, with His help of course.*

I know that this isn’t how it happens for everyone, but it’s how it happened me. I could have just stayed in the cycle of self-hate but I knew I could ever lead others to Christ if I didn’t accept his grace for myself.

I told my closest and most trusted friend what I did and why. After that I’ve been trying to focus on leading others to Christ and not hating myself for what I did.

Thanks for reading, God bless, AnaRose

6 thoughts on “Accepting God’s grace though self-hate”

  1. I shared your text with my wife Deb, who suggested you may appreciate:
    1John 3:20Ā Even if ourĀ heartsĀ condemnĀ us,Ā GodĀ is greaterĀ than ourĀ hearts, and He knows all things.

    and Deb always loves a song, so she suggested…
    Music and Lyrics
    Bob Farrell

    I HURT WHEN I THINK OF THE THINGS THAT HE SUFFERED
    THE WAY IN WHICH HE DIED
    WOUNDS TAKEN IN MY PLACE – INFLICTED UPON HIM
    SWEET SON OF THE MOST HIGH
    DEATH WERE YOU SO SURE WHEN YOU SILENCED THE MASTER
    YET WHERE IS YOUR STING? THE GARDEN TOMB IS SO EMPTY
    HE STOLE YOUR TROPHY AWAY WHEN HE OPENED HIS EYES
    SEE THOSE SCARS – PRECIOUS SCARS
    HOW THEY PROVE WHAT THE SAVIOUR WENT THROUGH
    DO YOU LOVE THOSE OLD SCARS
    FOR THE STRENGTH THEY BRING TO YOU
    REMINDERS THAT SUFFERING IS PART OF HIS PLAN FOR YOU
    GOT SOME OF MY OWN SCARS – SOME HURT TO REMEMBER
    THOSE EMBLEMS OF OLD PAIN
    THOUGH EVERYONE HAS THEM I SOMETIMES WANT TO HIDE THEM
    WHEN THEY GO TO ACHING
    BUT PAIN IS A TOOL IN THE HANDS OF THE SURGEON
    AND TO SHARE IN HIS LOVE I MUST SHARE IN HIS SUFFERING
    AND IF SCARS WERE ALL THAT I HAD – Iā€™D DO IT ALL JUST THE SAME
    SEE THOSE SCARS – PRECIOUS SCARS
    PROOF OF BATTLES HE BROUGHT YOU THROUGH
    LEARN TO LOVE THOSE OLD SCARS
    FOR THE STRENGTH THEY BRING TO YOU
    REMINDERS THAT WOUNDS ARE A PART OF HIS PLAN FOR YOU
    REMINDERS THAT HEALING IS A PART OF HIS PLAN FOR YOU

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Anna, I’ve been appreciating Romans 8 recently in particular, by God’s grace, Heā€™s brought it to my attention quite a few times over the last 3 weeks, then while listening to a sermon by Alistair Begg from Sunday morning the 6th, they sang a song which I really enjoyed, I found a YouTube version you may like. KRgds Andrew

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hello Andy, I also have been reading and re-reading Romans 8 it’s such a powerful chapter and really gives me motivation and hope for a better and more Christ-like me. Thank you for suggesting Alistair Begg, I’ll be looking into his YouTube channel.

        Liked by 1 person

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